LAGOS LIVING: SALLAH HOLIDAY


Hi Guys!!

How you doing? (in Wendy's voice)

How was your holiday? It was much needed, right?

Well as usual I planned to sit at home and tweet but we thank God for friends who want to chop your money (side eye Ebuka) so they force you out lest it be said that you are an akagum. This is a post for another day.




Well so on Friday, I went to Eko market, with new month salary comes new necessities, a call to slay. Am I right or am I right?

I came out at my bus stop and there were two buses both calling out to passengers and I decided to take the second one, maybe because it had more passengers compared to the first and anyone who knows a thing about jumping danfos in Lagos knows that entering empty buses is a way to waste your time. The driver will stop at places that are not even bus stops because potential passenger.

We approach Jakande and the conductor asks Lady with the baby sitted by my side where she was dropping off as he thought she wanted to play a fast one on him. And true danfo passenger behaviour she eyed him and ignored him.

Of course, conductor is used to this bad behaviour.

We are approaching Jakande first gate and she shouts, ' First gate owa o!'
But the driver is still speeding, now all the passengers have started shouting,' Driver owa!'

He stops at Salem bus stop and the lady is insisting that Conductor must give her money to get another bus to take her back.
Conductor offers her 20naira and she is infuriated because she felt he actually did it on purpose by not calling her bus stop.
Curses are exchanged, male trousers dragged.
Passengers decide to gather 50 naira so we can keep it moving to CMS.

I would have sworn that was the end until I heard voices raised again. The passenger in the front seat with the driver was accusing him of ignoring the woman on purpose. Driver is explaining himself and he says he called three different bus stops and nobody answered him.
Passenger still insists he is a wicked man.
Driver is mad, he parks the bus at Chisco and comes down from the car. He insists the passenger in front must come down so he can teach him a lesson for bearing false witness (his exact words, I thought that sentence was reserved for Sunday school to be honest).

The police man in our bus (also in front)  comes down to stop the fight before it goes out of hand, but driver insists that exchanging words in not enough.
He says,' Come down let me beat you like a man and teach you a lesson'
I almost died of laughter because its not everyday you discover that the way to beat women is different from the way to beat men.
After all is said and done, shirts are torn (driver and passenger's), heads did not roll.
Just Nigerian men swearing they are more than they are. Lmao.

Passenger is upset. He keeps shouting,' You tore my shirt. Do I know you? I will deal with you when I get to Lekki. You don't know me'.

We arrive at Lekki and passenger comes down and walks to the drivers side and tells him to come down. I am thinking its about to go down. Blood will be shed.

Policeman tries to do damage control. He tells the driver to keep moving but there is a thin line between deafness and anger.

They start fighting and Policeman is taking pictures/making videos, I don't know to what end.
They finished the disappointing tussle and we all get back into the bus.
Next thing policeman tells a passenger that he must delete the video he made. Guy says he won't because policeman also made a video and he didnt see the problem.
Igbo business man by side tells Guys to delete the video make e for no cause quarrel. Guy gives a speech about his rights. Igbo business man leaves him and continues with his life.

We are approaching Bonny Camp and my sister calls me to ask my location as she has arrived CMS and I tell her I will see you in 15 minutes time.
Then the most dramatic thing happened, instead of the driver to make a right turn at Bonny Camp, he makes a violent curve at Bonny Cantonment headed towards Ahmadu Bello Way.
Everybody is livid, they insist they want to get down.
Baba heads for the door and Policeman opens the front seat and pushes him back inside.
Baba is till trying to force his way out and Driver is telling him to calm down, that he has no reason to be scared.
Policeman is not here for the pep talk, He shouts,'My friend move  this car'.

Is this what a hostile takeover feels like?
I am obviously upset because not only was the conductor owing me 800 naira, I wasn't dressed for prison.

Who shows up to jail in an above the knee shift dress?


My life legit flashed before me. Does that mean I will become an ex-con? How do I integrate back into society? What if the prison lead in my cell makes advances at me? If I was interrogated would I give up the ghost because I couldn't bear the torture? The mosquitoes; would they be kind to me? Hella questions.

Well we got to Barbeach police station and Policeman told us, we could all go except from Guy.
Drviver says Conductor should settle us or put us in a bus. We stand for a while and still cant find a bus or keke.
One Keke stops and Conductor says he will pay 50 naira per person. Keke Driver is not interested in this bargain so he says,'All of  you, out'.
Another Keke stops, I call Conductor to come and pay, he feigns deafness. I tell Keke Driver2 to keep it moving, I will pay. Let me be done with the madness the day had to offer.

Don't forget to leave a comment. They make me happy!!



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