Hi Guys!!

How you doing? (in Wendy's voice)

How was your holiday? It was much needed, right?

Well as usual I planned to sit at home and tweet but we thank God for friends who want to chop your money (side eye Ebuka) so they force you out lest it be said that you are an akagum. This is a post for another day.

This is a rant.
Some weeks ago I received this message from a young man that used to work as a mover at my former place of work.

On today's winners and losers, I will be reminding you that Nigeria doesn't care for you, so lets all find every opportunity to live the Nigerian dream.

Just in case you are not aware, the Nigerian dream is to move to Canada and allow cold kill you, better to die in snow than without light.

That is why these 'I am a King in my country' people make me chuckle. What is this royalty you speak of? What is glorious about a 56 year old baby? Don't sell me that 'Nigeria has potential' dream.
Not today, Satan.

DISCLAIMER: The songs listed below has below has been said to make the baeless cry. I don't take responsibility for emotional turmoil.
Halla!! *in Francis Odega's voice*
Valentine has reared his ugly head again. Sigh.
SO what are you people that have objects of affection doing for Valentine? Like you ca't be single in peace during Valentine without the world reminding you to step up in  the area of your love life. I have heard o!! Message received.
So i bought Empire CD and I have decide to save it for Sunday.
Valentine is incomplete without music, Valentine owu is catching everyone especially our Nigerian artistes , they have been releasing love songs all week. I will need them to calm down please.
The owu has blown to my side, making me all mushy and all. I know na me go find trouble.
So I just discovered the songs below recently apart from Ololufe and I decided to share.
I hope you enjoy them as I did.

I didn't plan to run for the Lagos marathon. I know I made a resolution to be fit this year, but I just felt that one was extreme, lets just say I cannot come and kill myself.
I had a program to attend on Saturday so I wasn't missing it for anything. I had heard about the marathon, I just figured that the worst that would happen was traffic, I am a Lagosian, I can't remember traffic killing anybody. I will be irritated. I will swear for Ambode, but I won't die.
 I felt if I left on time, I will just be stuck in traffic but I will still get to my destination.

I am at the jumping bus phase of my life, at this stage I am appreciating the little things, the conductors feisty attitude, the unpleasantness of my fellow passengers that could be in the form of an attitude or body odor.
Lmao!!! What is this nonsense I am typing? No matter how much English I speak danfo is danfo and I won't even try and see the silver lining there.
Whenever I board a bus, these are the things I notice:

we were literally rubbing shoulders with Mai

When Friday night, while the whole of Lagos was turning up, I was helping my cousin take out her kinky braids and we were just having random conversations from how her daughter said her nanny looked like a zebra because she wore a black and white stripped dress to how her pastor keeps rallying for followers on twitter. I still need to find the connection with hair and gist, its almost inevitable.

Single girls be like.

We had a thanksgiving service to thank God for His faithfulness for the past 5 years and also for a convocation ceremony. Its not Iike a few hours is enough to return the gIory to God. In Pastor Ojeme's sermon he said we must understand that thanksgiving was a debt we owed God. He said we whatever good we saw in our lives was because of God and that it could have been worse .
Please if i took any picture on your device, please be nice and tag me, no hoarding of pictures!!
The pictures were aIot!! It was close to a thousand if not more, enjoy!!
See the pictures below;

ifeoma, banke and dumebi

Growing up in the 90's and comparing it to now, its so funny how things have changed. So I will be listing out my Once Upon A Time moments and comparing it to the present.

• Once upon a time, bleaching was synonymous to illiteracy. It was only the iya onigos, iya eleja, iya eleran, iya ata that bleached. Now, I see babes with good education even with MBA's bleaching. Is it that they dint know that bleaching causes skin cancer or that bleaching your skins, will not bleach your genes?
• Once upon a time, when you clocked 21, your parents threw a party for you, it involved rented canopies, food cooked by a slightly obese woman who thinks her size is good marketing for her catering skills and Yinka Ayefele's music playing in the background, with cakes shaped in '21' or a Bible, with scriptures like you are the light of the world inscribed on it and covered with pink icing depending on your gender. Now thanks to Instagram, you see hash tags like #turndownke #nikini #forwhat #birthdaywithmylovelies. I cant help but think out loud, who pays for this birthday dinners, the celebrant or everyone pays for their own food? Did I beg to be invited? Don't we all miss the days of attending parties with steaming jollof rice, coleslaw and stewed beef?

Eku Odun Falentine!!!

For anyone who is true to themselves, we know that a sincere self-appraisal is one of the most difficult things to do and since its the season of open letters from OBJ to GEJ to Iyabo to Tolu Ogunlesi , I decided that this season must not pass me by without writing to myself
Dear Ifeoma,
How have u being? Like every typical human, I know your reply will will be fine (why do i even bother?). If your reply is,'i am fine'. Then you lie, because I really don't think so. I will be giving you a piece of my mind as I am not very happy about the happenings in your life at the moment..
I just wanted to let you know that i have being observing the way you have been living your life, and i am not quite happy with. So i will just say it as it is: